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1994-03-08
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3KB
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136 lines
Written by GEARS !!
TRANSLATION OF THINGS SAID BY BOSSES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OF NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Following several "mistakes" by nuclear power-stations and
re-processing plants, I have compiled this translation of some favourite
excuses used by the bosses or spokesmen.
OFFICIAL STATEMENT
------------------
There has been a small fragmentation in one of the cooling pipes, it is
not serious.
REAL MEANING
------------
There is a bloody great hole in the cooling pipe ! Without the coolant
this place is likely to melt-down any minute !!!
OFFICIAL STATEMENT
------------------
There was a malfunction with the main reactor, but the system was
shut-down before any radiation could escape.
REAL MEANING
------------
The chewing gum fell off the big round thing, and some yellow stuff
dribbled out. We pulled the plug out and put some new chewing gum back
in the hole.
OFFICIAL STATEMENT
------------------
A certain amount of radiation was detected, but it was below official
safety limits.
REAL MEANING
------------
That 900 metre-high mushroom is completely normal, and I'm sure that
the man with two heads had nothing to do with that massive radiation
leak. AAAGGHH!! LOOK ! SOME PINK ELEPHANTS !!!
OFFICIAL STATEMENT
------------------
The reactor was starting to over-heat, so we had to temporarily
evacuate the area. Nobody was in any real danger, it was just a
precaution.
REAL MEANING
------------
John said that loads of lights were flashing and that some yellow
smoke was beginning to come from the cardboard-boxes where we keep
the plutonium. We started to think that something was wrong when the
crack in the reactor widened. The fire in the control-room got worse
so we decided to sit in the toilets and panic. It was about then when
radioactive waste started to come out of the drain-pipes..... we
decided to get the hell outta there !
OFFICIAL STATEMENT
------------------
There was a small problem, but we have fixed it. May I take this
opportunity to remind you how safe, clean and economical nuclear
power is. With re-processing it is, and will be the power of the
future.
REAL MEANING
------------
After that explosion, a few people got some funny diseases, so we
sacked them quick. By the way, re-processing is supposed to be
clean, but it produces waste that will stay radioactive until the
end of time. When we shut the plant in about 30 years we'll cover
it in some nice concrete and forget about it. Hopefully it will
go away if I put my hands over my ears and close my eyes.
And now, a few short translations for individual phrases :
STATEMENT
~~~~~~~~~
Minor technical problem.
REALITY
~~~~~~~
Massive explosion.
STATEMENT
~~~~~~~~~
Small radiation leak.
REALITY
~~~~~~~
Huge cloud of radioactive matter.
STATEMENT
~~~~~~~~~
We are going to de-commission this re-processing plant.
REALITY
~~~~~~~
We're going to bury it in concrete and hope that it will be
forgotten.
STATEMENT
~~~~~~~~~
Our safety record is very good.
REALITY
~~~~~~~
Only 17 were injured yesterday.
STATEMENT
~~~~~~~~~
Re-processing is very safe.
REALITY
~~~~~~~
Bollocks.
Well, there we go.... I can't think of any more !
Gears 94